


Dull Life

by swarmsoflizards



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 17th Century, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, F/M, Golden Age of Caribbean Piracy, Pirates, Rating subject to change, awesome lady pirates, everyone has tragic backstories, historical setting, its a lot of fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3566369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swarmsoflizards/pseuds/swarmsoflizards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the Golden Age of Caribbean Piracy, one boy has a streak of bad luck that lands him in some very hot water, and one girl may not be as heartless as she seems.</p><p>John Egbert has always been content to live a safe, boring life, planning to take over his father's company and keep his head out of trouble. It doesn't really work out that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dull Life

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted anything in like three months and I'm getting antsy, so just take this. I started it a while ago, but I don't really know where it'll end up yet. So no reassurances on a happy ending, because I honestly don't have any fucking clue what direction it's going in. It might even have magic. It is simply a mystery.
> 
> Have fun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Egbert has a stroke of bad luck and Vriska Serket makes herself known.

_One mistake in a subtle way_

_Like I’m walking again, all on me_

_Step slowly, you know that you fall between_

_Dark places, what a simple web we weave_

 

 _-_ Yeah Yeah Yeahs,  _[Dull Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGKefxnyT6E)_

 

_\- - -_

John Egbert is not the type who usually finds himself wandering docks surrounded by drunks, whores, and pirates. 

In fact, one might venture to say that he has _never_ spent considerable time surrounded by drunks, whores, and pirates, but John would fear that it would make him sound boring. In reality, his life is quite exciting in its own right, planning to take over his father's business, learning Spanish, and the like. His sister's life is the boring one. Spending all that time on rickety old ships visiting empty islands, bah! Who needs that?

He shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his father's coat. It's a rather expensive one, and he's beginning to regret wearing it to such a disreputable place. He's drawing more attention than he's comfortable with, the lingering stares of large men proving to be just a tad disconcerting. Not that he's afraid. He could totally take them if he had his sword; He has a whole month of training under his belt! But he doesn't have it, and everyone here is taller than him. _Head down, walk faster._

The reason John is here is to meet his sister, finally returning home from her nautical adventure. Her ship was supposed to come in today, though John truthfully doesn't know how he will find her. He's counting on Jade being able to find him first.

Without warning, John finds himself face-down in the dirt.

"Watch it!" Shouts a female voice, and he scrambles to pry himself up off the ground.

"I'm terribly sorry!" He replies, dusting off his coat with his hands. He looks up to add something else, but sees only the shrinking back of the woman he collided with, disappearing into the crowd. He catches a glimpse of a heavy blue coat and limp blonde hair before he loses sight of her. "I'll watch where I'm going next time," he mutters, thinking to himself that he needs to get out of this strange place.

"John!" He whips around only to be struck with an armful of his sister, her enthusiastic embrace nearly knocking him to the ground again. "I'm so glad to see you! Oh my god, you've gotten so tall! Did you miss me? I missed you guys so much. I have so many stories to tell you!"

"Of course I've missed you!" Jade pulls away from their hug so they can look at each other face-to-face. She's so tan, the pale skin of the wealthy city-dweller gone. Her hair is long and unbound, and she's grinning wider than he's ever seen. "It's so good to see you! You'll have to tell me everything."

"And I will! But I'm _starving_ , all I've had for a month is stale bread and old meat. I know a place here, let's get something good!" Jade whacks him on the back (dear _Lord_ , she's gotten strong, that _hurt_ ) and grabs his hand.

She drags him out of the open area of the docks and through a side road, too thin for a stagecoach, and into a peculiar little square full of squat buildings. The bustle of the docks are gone, as are the sounds of the ocean. It's rather strange, John thinks, that they didn't seem to travel far at all, and yet seem to be in a different world altogether. It smells of meat and smoke.

"A friend of mine owns a tavern here. It's early, I suppose, but they should be open." Jade flashes a grin at him again, and though John is inclined not to trust this place completely, he does trust his sister. Even with two years separated between them.

She marches right up to a squashed-looking brick building towards the middle and throws open the door, to a surprising round of enthusiastic cheers. Jade somehow manages to have friends everywhere. It has to have been years since she's been here, and still she's greeted with applause and shouts of "Welcome home!"

John quietly follows close behind her as she greets her friends. She promises them all stories and drinks, but that she has to spend time with her brother first. They mostly let her alone after that, and she leads them both to the booth farthest away from the door.

"So... How've you been?" Jade asks, gathering her hair over her shoulder and starting to braid it.

"I've been... Fine." _Life hasn't been terribly interesting since you left_ , he doesn't say.

"That's good, that's good... What about Father?"

"He's been working more. He was somewhat upset after you left, threw himself into work. But he's been better, now."

"I'm glad, even though I'm still mad at him. What about Grandfather? How's he faring these days?"

"He... He passed away, Jade. A year ago."

"Oh." She finishes her braid, then undoes it. Looks at the table.

"I'm sorry. I know you were closer to him than I was."

"No, it's alright. It's not entirely unexpected. I suppose I was just hoping that I'd get to tell him a few of my own stories, now." Since before she could stand, old Grandfather Harley would sit baby Jade on his knees and regale her with adventure stories about pirates and sea monsters, great battles and better treasures. Father always blamed his stories for Jade's rebellious side. John never took interest in the stories, preferring to stick close to his father.

"Oh, well. No use dwelling on it for now. We're supposed to be celebrating, aren't we?" Her smile is back in a moment, if lacking its usual luster. She calls over the bartender and orders some drinks. "Enough talk of hard things. What about you? Have any adventures of your own while I was away?"

John laughs. "Not too many, I don't think. I fell off a horse, Rose moved away."

"Really? To where?"

"To New York, with some seamstress." Their drinks arrive. "I've received a few letters from her. She seems happy."

"I'm glad."

"Father isn't. I think he still had his heart set on us marrying, despite her being like a sister."

"Ha! I'd like to see that. But that does make room for someone else. Tell me, John, are there any top contenders?" Jade's smile turns smug.

"Are you kidding? I've been so occupied with helping father with work, I haven't had time to even think about it. What about you?"

"While I am certainly not going to marry for a good long while, if ever, there were many men who seemed to want a piece of the lady adventurer."

"Why, Jade Harley! If I didn't know you any better, I might think you're implying something entirely improper!"

"I'm a goddamn adventurer, and I will imply what I so please." She punctuates this with a long drink.

"Well, prideful adventurer or not, I'd hope you'll let your brother pay for your drink."

"'Course, I just got back! Pay for whatever you like."

Smiling, John reaches into his coat pocket. He digs around for the small bag of coin he brought, but finds nothing but lint. Worried, he tries his other pocket, but to no avail. The money's gone. The memory of the blonde woman who knocked him to the ground surfaces, and he swears.

"What is it?"

"The blasted woman took my money!"

"What woman?"

"Before you found me, this woman ran into me, and I fell. She must have stole the money I brought!"

"Oh, John, that's not even a clever trick and you fell right for it! What did she look like?"

"Well, she was taller than me, blonde, blue coat. I don't know, it was crowded! She disappeared." John lets his head fall to the table with a _thump_ , drawing several confused looks from other tables. "Father's gonna kill me, it was _so much money_."

"Calm down, maybe we can find her. I have connections down here, remember?"

"Where would we even start?" He lifts his head from the table, a large red mark prominent on his forehead. "We don't know where she went, I barely remember what she looks-" that's her. That's the woman walking through the door right now, blonde hair, blue coat. "That's her!" All John can do is stare, dumbfounded.

"What, _her?_ "

" _Yes_ , her!"

"What're you waiting for? Go confront her!"

"What? No! What if she has a knife? Or a _gun?_ "

"She can't shoot you in a public place like this! Just accuse her, the people here know me, they'll take your side!"

John stands up rather forcefully. "If I get shot, it's your fault," he says, and starts walking over to the bar, where the woman is now ordering something. _Oh, God, this was a bad idea_. "Excuse me," he starts, then clears his throat. "I believe you-"

She turns to him, a stinging remark obviously at the ready, but it seems to die on her tongue. The eye not covered by a black eyepatch widens minutely in recognition. " _You!_ " she hisses, and grabs John by the arm. "What are you doing here?"

"What? What are _you_ doing here? You stole-!" She covers his mouth with her hand.

"Shut up. We'll talk outside. Follow me in two minutes." She stands up and walks out, leaving John staring after her yet again. He looks back at Jade, who quickly scurries over to him.

"What the hell happened to 'confront her'?"

"I don't know! She told me to meet her outside in two minutes."

"Well, you obviously won't be doing that, so let's just wait here and see if she comes back."

"Why can't we go meet her? She has my money!"

"Yeah, but as you so astutely pointed out earlier, she could have a weapon! And if she can't shoot you in here, she sure as shit can out there!"

"Wouldn't they hear it in here and come help?"

"It's not their business if it's not in here. Once you're outside, you're on your own."

"Except I've got you," John says, and stalks out the door.

He regrets it immediately upon being ambushed and thrown to the wall. "What the fuck do you want from me, kid? Where do you get off following me?" she hisses close to his face, her hand fisted in his shirt at his throat. It's now that he notices she also only has one arm.

"Just give me back my money!" John gasps. "I don't want any trouble!"

"Oh, you don't think it's a little late for that?" She screeches as Jade suddenly yanks her away by the hair. "Get your fucking hands off me!" She abruptly shuts up when Jade holds a knife to her throat.

"Empty your pockets."

"Holy shit, I know you."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, I do! You used to run with Vantas, didn't you? Ha!" The blonde looks positively joyful for someone at knifepoint. "Well, then, you've probably heard of me, too. The name's Captain Vriska Serket, of the _Arachnid’s Grip_."

Jade pales. "You," she whispers hoarsely. "You're the Black Widow."

Serket grins, and John has the startling impression of a shark that's just scented blood. "Guilty as charged."

"I don't understand. Who are you?"

"She's a pirate." Jade says, looking afraid to break eye contact with Serket. "They call her the Black Widow because she murdered her husband in cold blood. She's one of the most wanted pirates in the Atlantic. John, do you really pay so little attention as to not know about Vriska Serket?"

He doesn't know how to respond to that.

"So, Harley, isn't it? Why don't you be a dear and let me go. I have a gut feeling that you know what I'll do if you don't." Jade nods numbly and lowers her knife. "Good girl. I'm sorry we won't get to know each other any better today, I would have _loooved_ to have a real fight. As it is, I have a ship to get back to, so I must bid you goodnight." With that, she straightens her coat and saunters away, looking as if she's without a care in the world.

John briefly entertains the idea that he's having a strangely lucid hallucination, but dismisses it as Serket turns a corner and disappears. He doesn't think he's creative enough.

"Fuck me," mutters Jade, and he just doesn't think he'll ever get used to her talking like a sailor. "I can't believe you got pickpocketed by Captain Serket."

"I'm having doubts myself. I'd think it was an elaborate prank if it weren't happening to me."

"I think we could both use a drink," she says, and shakes her head as if to clear it. "Can't fucking believe it." She turns and heads back to the door, not checking to see if John's following.

"Yeah," he says, and hurries behind her.


End file.
